Looking Back & Looking Ahead

“Remember the wonders He has done, His miracles, and the judgments He pronounced.” – 1 Chronicles 16:12

“Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us, to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever! Amen.” – Ephesians 3:20-21

“I will look back and see that You are faithful. I’ll look ahead, believing You are able, Jesus Lord of all.” – I Will Look Up by Elevation Worship

One year ago today, I decided to take a leap of faith and move away from everything and everyone I had known to a place my dad often referred to as the homeland, being Tennessee. This decision wasn’t made lightly, in fact, if I’m honest, I was kind of scared. As scared as I was going into the unknown (cue Frozen II soundtrack), I was also filled with excitement at the possibility of what the future would hold for me. While I was scared, I had full confidence God was telling me it was time to go.

You see, years ago, I knew God was telling me that one day I would leave the comfort of home in Louisiana. I didn’t know where or when I would leave, just that I would. So, for years, I would wait. Opportunities came and every time I would pray and know it wasn’t what I was waiting for. I would argue with myself on maybe I was just scared to leave or didn’t want to leave comfort and the people I love, but every time I always came back to knowing that it wasn’t the opportunity God had for me. So, I stayed and waited patiently doing the work God had for me where I was. But then one day opportunity came that I knew was the one God had for me.

My cousins, the Ranson family, came down to Louisiana to spend Christmas of 2018 and bring in the 2019 new year with my aunt and uncle. It’d been years since I had actually seen them so I decided to spend New Year’s Eve with them. That night was when seeds were planted. At that moment in time, I was between jobs and I was trying to figure out what God had next for me. They mentioned a residency program their church had and thought I would love it. I told them to send me some information on the church and I would check it out. However, the then 26-year-old me with prior church experience and halfway through seminary was not looking to move far away to be a resident at a church I knew nothing about, so I put it off in the back of my mind.

Thankfully, my cousin Jennifer was persistent in following up with me a couple months later. God knew I needed a push. I decided to check the church out, trying to look for an excuse not to go further into looking at the residency program, but I couldn’t find anything. Rolling Hills Community Church in the Nashville, TN area was the type of church I had been searching for. Thus began the prayer process that led to me knowing this is where I needed to go. Those next couple months were spent preparing to move to Nashville not knowing anyone except my cousins who were graciously going to take me in. I am so thankful for them and all they have done to make me part of their family this past year. Now came May 21, 2019, the day I would take a leap of faith and further trust God on this journey He has me on.

Looking back on this year in Tennessee, I’m awestruck. It always amazes me how God can leave me awestruck. Just when you think you know all about the Lord and how He works, He surprises you and leaves you awestruck again. I could go on for days on that, but for now I’ll bring it back to reflecting on this past year. Currently, I’m awestruck at how much God can transform a person in the span of only a year.

A year ago today, I had a lot going on internally. Battles going on in my mind and spirit. Knowing I was called to ministry but not knowing where God could and would best use me. While knowing I was called to ministry, I struggled daily with being good enough or worthy enough to serve in ministry. How could God, who is so good, so great, and so holy use someone as messed up, insignificant, and flawed as me? I’ve made big mistakes in life so how could God possibly want to use someone like me? These thoughts, among other things, equated to me having low self-confidence and uncertainty in being a leader that God could use for His glory.

One way God used this year was to grow me as a leader and build my confidence. It’s not that my confidence comes from myself, but that my confidence is grounded in Christ, knowing that He is continually transforming and equipping me to be who He has called me to be. Knowing the source of my confidence helps develop me as a leader, knowing God has equipped me. I’ve also grown in assurance of my worth. My worth isn’t defined by the world, my past, or my circumstances. My worth is found in Christ and an heir in God’s Kingdom. Holding to these truths have taken my eyes off of myself and my insecurities and focusing more and more on how God is moving and how He can use me as an ambassador of reconciliation, truth, and love for others to find salvation in Christ Jesus and grow on their walk with Him.

This past year I’ve also received a lot of clarity. I’ve always gone back and forth on where I am best suited to serve in ministry. But God has used this year to give me clarity. Whether it was through opportunities, encouragement from friends, peers, and mentors, or leaning into how God gifted and created me in terms of temperament, personality, and leadership style, clarity was given. Having this clarity in calling also helped boost my confidence in that it gave me more purpose and assurance that I am doing what God is calling me to do.

Another way the Lord has been transforming me is in building community and loving everyone always. I’ve always been a very guarded person. I’m always very friendly and do well at being kind, loving, and trusting people on the surface level. However, it takes a lot for me to truly trust someone and invest in relationships beyond the surface level. When I moved to Tennessee, I was worried I was going to remain in a hard-shell, unwilling to trust. But God is good. He has brought so many wonderful people in my life that truly live out their church motto of “Love everyone always,” and so many people have embraced me. While skeptical, the Lord began softening my heart toward people, breaking down walls and building up bonds of trust. In that process, the Lord has brought great friends and several wonderful mentors this year.

Having community and being part of teams of people of one heart and mind has reassured me that we need each other as believers (Acts 4:32; Phil 2:1-2). God did not create us to be isolated or alone, but to be in community with one another. We are one body, united in Christ. We each bring different gifts, talents, personalities, and perspectives that can be used together to live in community in Christ and lead others to Christ (Rom 12:3-6). Learning and growing alongside this community has been a huge blessing in my life.

This year has been one of the best years of my life, but it hasn’t been the easiest. Transformation and growth are rarely easy. There’s a lot of work, challenge, humbling, and molding that take place. That’s true for all of us. God equips us and gives us opportunity. It is up to us to step into those opportunities to grow and be transformed. There have been a lot of opportunities this past year for me. I’ve had to step into different roles, be creative, and make decisions hoping they were the right ones. Thankfully, some great individuals and community have walked alongside me in encouragement. We’ve also, as a world, have experienced unprecedented events that we have all had to be creative in how we work, live, and stay connected. But in the seasons of unknown, challenge, and trial we can still see God move and work among us.

There are so many more things, in fact, immeasurably more things, that God has been doing to transform me this past year that I could write about but I don’t want to make this any longer than it already is. While it is great to look back and see God’s faithfulness and how He has transformed me from only a year ago, I’m excited to look forward. This past year has only been one chapter of my life and the grand adventure God has for me. There are other chapters to come. More unknowns and more uncertainties. But God is still moving in my life and your life. There are immeasurably more things to come that we cannot even fathom right here in this moment. Things that bring great joy. Things that bring great heartache. Things that bring great challenge. But all things that bring great opportunity to be transformed more into the image of Christ. Take those steps. Run to the Father’s arms, open wide to embrace you in His love. Find community, break down walls, and build up trust. Love everyone always and invest in people. Walk in confidence, knowing God has more planned for your life than you could ever imagine.